AUTHOR: VampGirl
SUMMARY: This story takes place at the end of "Suprise," right after Buffy and Angel have sex for the first time. Angel has not turned evil, nor will he in my tale.
RATING: NC-17: Buffy/Angel
WARNING: This might be considered "edgy" by some because of the blood play and S&M themes, so if this kind of thing bothers you, don't go any further.
DISCLAIMER: As much as I wish they were, Buffy and Angel (as well as the rest of the gang) are not mine. Don't sue me, you wouldn't get much even if you did win. The song lyrics here are from "Fear," by Sarah McLachlan's "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy," so no, I don't own those either. Finally, not only is this my first attempt at a fanfic, it is also the first thing that I have written in about four years, so feedback is not only requested, but essential to the well-being of my fragile ego.
Angel watched her sleep. She was still now, with none of the earlier restlessness or thrashing about that had so concerned him. Even in sleep the demons that plagued her would not give her a moments peace. He touched a tendril of her hair which lay curled upon the pillow. His hand moved slowly to the side of her face. Gently, softly, not wanting to wake his love, he caressed her cheek, remembering the night they had spent together. Even now, in the quiet aftermath, he was not sure that what they had done was right.
She had been so cold, all he had wanted was to bring some warmth to her chilled skin. Though she felt so warm in contrast with his own icy flesh, he knew that she would become ill if she she did not get dry. She, trembling, had been so afraid of losing him- his brave and fearless Slayer, afraid that something would happen to him! He wanted to laugh. It was she, who night after night put her life in jeopardy to ensure the safety of others. He wanted to wrap his arms around her at the memory, and swear that he would protect her, would never let go of her, if she would only promise to remain beside him. Forever. But he was much too afraid of the answer he would receive. He was the one, afterall, with reason to be unsure. He would be around forever, but this precious gift, her presence in his life, did not have the same immortality.
Angel withdrew his hand from the sleeping Slayer reluctantly. Siding into his blue jeans, he quietly opened the door to his apartment and stepped out into the misty pre-dawn air. He began to walk quickly, with no particular destination in mind, just needing to clear his head. It was impossible to think rationally in his room, with the scent of her so strong, the smell of their passion, the smell of her virgin blood still fresh, clouding his brain with visions of her smooth skin as he moved above her. He shook his head in an attempt to regain some sense of clarity and force aside the image of her, lying naked asleep in his bed.
As he walked, all of his doubts and hesitations of the previous night began to creep back into his conscious mind. How could they have acted so rashly! For ninety years Angel had managed to avoid human contact, to stay apart from the world upon whose fringes he had existed. Buffy knew a little of his past, primarily the high points, (if torturing innocents could be considered high points) but she knew very little of his life since the curse. She knew nothing of the long years that passed when he stalked dark alleys in search of rats to feed upon, hiding from the eyes of the ever-changing world. Or of how for months at a time he would lie beneath the earth, in a grave he dug for himself and pray for death, praying to a god he believed would pay no heed to the pain of a demon such as himself. She knew nothing of the longing and hunger he had imposed upon himself in his desperate quest for redemption from the horrors of his past. He would never let her see this side of him, would not allow her to feel pity for him. He did deserve it; after all, he was a monster. He had accepted this fate, even invited it when he approached Darla on that night so long ago. So he was left to brood alone. She would not be allowed to take on any part of his burden.
When they had come together the night before, it had been exquisite. She had been so unafraid, so open to him. Even when his face had changed she refused to look away, instead taking his face into her tiny hands and kissing him deeply, with her eyes wide open. She had proven her love for him so many times, proven her trust in him. Although their coming together had given his tortured soul more peace than anything that he had experienced since its return, he had not, would never ask of her that which he would require to be fully satisfied- the taking of her blood at the moment of their climax.
He walked past rows of houses and apartments whose residents, tucked safely into their beds, dreamed deep, aching dreams for a better world. Dreams full of longing. Passing an open window, he heard music and paused a moment to listen to bittersweet words of pain and suffering that spoke to the doubts and fears that had driven him out into the night.
<<They say temptation will destroy our love. The never ending hunger. but I fear I have nothing to give I have so much to lose here in this lonely place tangled up in your embrace there's nothing I'd like better than to fall... we have so much to lose.>>
The words struck a physical blow to him. The pain started in his chest, and moved rapidly, coursing throughout his body. Standing perfectly still, he simply experienced the pain, starting in his chest and moving rapidly, coursing throughout his body. It created a wave of sensation so severe it made him feel almost human. Almost. He allowed it to overtake him completely, suffocating him till he could bear it no longer, and then, with a groan, he let loose the demon that possessed him in order to force back the pain. As the struggle waged within him, he felt himself tumble to the ground, grasping his head in his hands. When he became conscious of his surroundings again, he found himself on his knees in the middle of the sidewalk. Feeling dawn's approach, he turned slowly and started to make his way home.
When he entered his apartment, he could feel that she was awake, the air vibrating with her powerful presence. "Angel?" she called timidly He approached the bed where she still lay, the smooth skin of her back exposed to the chill dawn air. She drew in her breath sharply when she saw his blood- tear stained face.
"Angel, what is it?" she said, her fear apparent in her voice. As he sat down on the bed next to her, she reached over to wipe away the blood from his eyes. Without speaking, he crushed her into his chest, closing his eyes, deeply inhaling her rich, sweet scent. Her lips found his, and pressed against them with a force worthy of the Slayer. With a low growl, Angel forced Buffy onto her back and moved on top of her. As their kiss deepened, their tongues explored each other's mouths, Angel caressed her back, her hair, her arms. Gently breaking the kiss a moment later, Buffy moved her lips close to his ear.
"Angel, what is it, what's wrong?" she pleaded. Angel's body grew still for a moment. He sighed quietly, and moved off of her, onto his side. Looking into Buffy's eyes, taking her hands into his own, he began. "Buffy" he paused for a moment, unsure how to proceed. "No one has ever done as much for me as you have, given so unselfishly. You have made me feel alive again, in a way I thought would be impossible for a demon to feel."
Buffy started to interrupt him, but he waved her off. "As much as we try to hide from it, Buffy, that is the truth. It's what I am. And it is my fault. I practically invited Darla to make me into a demon. I asked for it. I could have fought harder." She put a finger to his lips. "Shhh, I know, do you have to remind me every five minutes what a horrible blood-sucking fiend you are" She stopped short when she saw the hurt look appear on his face.
"Oh gosh, I'm sorry. That was cruel. I didn't mean that. I know your history, Angel, you couldn't have known what you were asking Darla for. I also know that you are not what you once were-that demon is not you anymore." She touched the side of his face gently, reassuringly.
"I love you, Angel" "I love you, Buffy, more than anything in this world." He pulled her close, cradling the tiny Slayer in his arms. Looking up at him with a hesitant smile, Buffy said "Angel, there is something that I have been meaning to ask you. Last night, when we, when we...well you know" she started shyly. "I know" he said with a small smile. "Ok, good. Well, I talked to Giles about how vampires.. you know..geeze, this is kind of embarrassing... But now, as I'm saying this, I realize that talking to Giles was much more embarrassing. Anyway, Giles told me that when a vampire uh, climaxes," (Buffy blushed furiously at this, to Angel's delight and amusement) "he has to drink the blood of his victim, er, well, girlfriend in order to be completely satisfied." She had been looking around, fidgeting nervously while she said this, but as she finished, she looked directly into his brown eyes.
"So why didn't you?" Angel was stunned. After all that she had given him, she was willing to make this sacrifice as well. "Buffy," he buried his face in her hair "I could never ask that of you" he said in a choked voice. "But Angel," Buffy said softly, pushing him away so as to look into his eyes, "I want you to be as happy as I am. To feel the same fufillent and contentment that I feel. I don't want to hold back any part of myself from you." Angel could feel the hot blood-tears start to well in his eyes again. She never failed to astonish him with the depth of her love and trust. She tilted his chin so that she could look into his eyes. "Its ok, Angel. I love you. I want this. I really do" she said with a smile, a look of assurance in her eyes.
As he looked at her in wonder, he thought of her blood- the blood of the Slayer, of his Slayer. Growling deep in his throat, he looked at her with raw lust upon his face. "I hope you understand what you are getting yourself into, Buffy" he said in a low voice, moving to the end of the bed, to the Slayer's toes. As she nodded her consent, he took her foot in his strong hand, and looking into her eyes, began to suck on her middle toe. He ran his other hand up the length of her strong calf, digging his nails into her, breaking the skin only slightly. Buffy arched her back up off of the pillow and moaned as Angel's tongue followed the path of his hand up the inside of her calf. She could feel him shiver as his tongue made contact with her blood for the first time, and he groaned softly in ecstasy. Buffy looked down at her love, saw that his face had already changed into the mask of a demon, and she realized that she truly didn't care.
Angel's warm tongue continued its journey up the inside of Buffy's thigh toward her center. He could smell her heat, her desire for him. He ran his tongue along the tips of his fang teeth, thinking how easy it would be for him to plunge them into her sweet inner thigh and drink his fill right then. But no, he would not deny her the pleasure he know he was capable of giving her. If she was willing to make this sacrifice for him, the least he could do was to make it as pleasurable an experience as possible for her.
As he licked and nibbled at the soft skin of her belly, one of his hands drifted up the length of her thigh. When he reached her heat, he moved one finger delicately around her swollen lips, gently, barely grazing her skin until she was moaning again, pressing herself up to meet his hand. Without warning, he thrust a finger inside of her, making her gasp. He began to move his finger inside of her, slowly at first, then faster as he felt her body begin to respond to him. Her teeth were clenched tightly together as she grunted, thrusting herself down to meet him. He added a second, and then a third finger inside of her, she was so hot, so open to him. His lips captured hers, biting her teasingly before plunging his tongue deep inside of her mouth. He removed his fingers from inside of her and ran a slick trail of her juices down her stomach to the inside of her thigh. Angel growled softly as he bent his head down to taste the evidence of her desire upon her soft skin. His tongue followed the slick trail his fingers had left, as he licked and sucked her belly, then proceeded down toward her core.
"Angel..." she moaned, her voice shakey with her desire for him. He closed his eyes. When he opened them a moment later, his pupils were dilated and his breath came in ragged gasps. "I want to hear you say my name again. Say it!" he commanded forcefully, grasping her arms roughly and securing them above her head with his hand. "Angel" she moaned again, her eyes wide as she gazed at him. "I want to hear you say that you are mine. Now." With his other hand, Angel tilted her chin so that she was forced to look him full in the face, giving her no choice but to obey his directive. "I am yours, fully, completely and totally with everything that I am. Now could you fuck me already?" Buffy smiled mischievieously. Her assurance of his desire gave Buffy a trememdous feeling of confidence. Angel's eyes darkened. Enough. Thrusting her legs apart with his knee, he retained his hold on her hands, severly restricting her movements. Swiftly, expertly, he entered into her in one fluid motion, ramming into her with a strength that would have hurt her badly had she not been the Slayer. She cried out softly as her body attempted to adjust to the size of his massive cock. "Buffy" Angel grasped her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Are you sure you want me to do this? Once I begin to feed, it will take all of my strength, all of my love for you to keep the demon in control. I want to be sure you know this is not something I am taking lightly." Buffy smiled at him and closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Yes. Absolutely, without a doubt, yes." Angel leaned down and caressed her cheek. "You are amazing."
The world went silent as Buffy felt herself begin to climax. Angel's thrusts had reached a frenzied, inhuman pace, and as she began to tumble over the edge, she felt a sudden, sharp pain. She cried out as Angel sunk his fang teeth into her neck, sending them both into an abyss of light and sensation. Buffy opened her tightly clenched eyelids as she felt Angel's body jerk suddenly. As Angel cried out, there was a blinding flash of light that pierced the room. "Oh God." "Buffy" As she watched in horror, the very molecules of Angel's being became dancing particles of light. "Angel! No!" Buffy screamed, reaching out for him but only feeling a prickling heat upon her arm. "No!" she screamed again. Angel reached his hand out to her, even as it dissolved into light. "Buffy, I love you" As the last sparkling points of light that were Angel danced toward the ceiling, Buffy, through her cries heard Angel's voice. "It's so very beautiful"
Epilogue
Buffy sat at the library table with her head in her hands."I did it, Will, I killed him" she sobbed. It had been three days since Angel's death, and Buffy had neither slept nor eaten since Giles found her at Angel's apartment, in a near comatose state, wrapped only in the sheets of Angel's bed. Giles had explained to Buffy how he, with Ms. Calendar's assistance, had found a translation of the origional Gypsy curse which stated that if a mortal were to ever willing give Angel her blood in a gesture of love, the curse would be broken releasing his soul and enabling his ascention to a higher realm.
Upon hearing this, Buffy had gone into hysterics, punching and kicking Giles, screaming at him that he should have warned her. It took all of Giles' instincts as a watcher to keep from being injured in Buffy's mad rampage. When he was finally able to calm her down, she had just sat there on the bed, moaning and rocking back and forth. Not knowing what to do, the frightened Watcher had called Willow to try to console her friend. Buffy had spent the last two nights at Angel's apartment, refusing to leave regardless of what her friends said. This morning Willow and Xander had had to literally drag Buffy out of the apartment to school, telling her that Principal Snyder was becoming very suspicious at her absence.
So now, in the aftermath of all that had happened, the three friends and the Watcher were seated around the table in the library. They could do little more than listen, as Buffy sobbed out the pieces of her broken heart. "No, Buffy, you couldn't have known what would happen, its not your fault!" Willow said, patting her shoulder akwardly in an attempt to console her. "But it is my fault! I'm the one who convinced him to drink from me!" Xander couldn't repress a shudder. The thought of that fiend drinking the blood of the one girl he loved more than anything was enough to turn his stomach. "Sorry, Buf, but I've got to bail," he said, standing up so abruptly that his chair fell over with a thud. He hastily left the library with his hands jammed deep into his pockets and his face clouded with worry. "Buffy" Giles began. "I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for what happened. When I told you about the mating habits of the vampire, I had no idea what you intended to do." he paused. "but I should have guessed. I feel very much responsible for what has transpired" He rested his hand lightly on the weeping girl's shoulder.
That evening, in spite of Giles' vehement protests, Buffy had insisted upon returning to Angel's apartment. Willow had at last convinced Buffy to allow her to come along. Buffy sat silently upon Angel's bed, while Willow stood nearby, not quite sure of the role she was needed to play. She had tried everything in her power to console her desolate friend to no avail. She thought over what Giles had told her about Angel's death agan and again in her head. And then she had an idea. "Buffy," Willow asked, "When Angel...well, you know, when Angel died, what exactly happened?" Willow waited a moment, and when her friend did not respond, she touched her lightly on the shoulder.
"Buffy?" With a start, Buffy turned to look at her friend. "What?" she said, looking disoriented. "I'm sorry, I'm really kind of out of it." "It's ok" Willow said softly, sitting down beside her friend on the bed. "Do you think that you can tell me exactly what happened?" Buffy laid her head on her friend's shoulder. "I don't know, Will. It was so crazy. We were...well..we were making love. And then, a second later, he was gone. He just dissolved into light. I mean...it doesn't make any sense, does it?" she asked, turning to look mournfully at her friend. Willow was silent for a moment, thinking. "It happened right after he bit you, right?" she asked. Buffy nodded. "Hummm...." "What?" Buffy asked. "Well, I have been talking to Giles about what he and Ms. Calendar found, and I think that I figured out what happened." Buffy turned to look at her friend, her eyes wide. "I think that he, well, his soul ascended." "Ascended? What do you mean? Like went to heaven?" Buffy asked skeptically. "Well, kind of. Based on what Giles and Ms Calendar told me, I think that the love that you shared allowed Angel's soul to finally be released." As Willow spoke, tears began to well in Buffy's eyes. "I think that you allowed him to finally attain peace." she continued. Buffy closed her eyes. She could feel the pain of the last few days begin to ebb slowly, ever so slowly. "You saved him, Buffy, you saved his soul." Turning to look at her friend, Buffy smiled and collapsed into Willow's arms.
FIN
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